Shannen Doherty’s Got Herself Some Shorts of the Day

I did something stupid and almost got in trouble, but luckily I didn’t. I was walking down the street and saw an old lady in her support knee high pantyhose and a can trying to walk into the bank all hunched over and no one helped her in. I ran as ...fast as I could to beat her to the door, I was about 5 feet away, but still took some effort, I opened the door for her and as she walked in a instinctively slapped her ass like I was a little league coach and we just got a home run or some shit. She reacted all right and looked back smiled and gave me a wink, like I had made her fucking day, while I blushed in embarrassment for doing what I did, and some cunt coming out of the bank freaked out on me calling me a pervert and a sick fuck and went on about how offensive and inappropriate I was. I told her that I was just a good samairitan doing good or the people and that I hope someone gives her a little more than a little ass grabbing because she sure as fuck needs it and I wasn’t volunteering my services because I’ve done my charity for the day and because she’s not seducing me in her support knee high pantyhose. It was an unnecessary mess that I should of avoided, kinda like Shannen Doherty walking out of her house with this Halloween mask that is her face on. At least she’s got good legs in shorts and at least I got to grab some ass. I guess with all bad there is good.

Lindsay Lohan Has Words For Sarah Palin

This is how you know you might have picked the wrong vice presidential candidate: When Lindsay Lohan is giving words of advice to her and they only sound partially retarded, instead of fully. Usmagazine.com reports: “I think that parents nee...d to recognize how important it is to talk to their children about the things that can result from being sexually active if they aren’t protecting themselves,” Lohan said when discussing the teenage pregnancy of Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin.

Holly Madison Upksirt Pictures

Holly Madison was at a screening of the The Telling (whatever that is) and decided to grab onto a bar and take a swing in a mini skirt. Not sure if she knew that was a bad idea beforehand, but it turned out to be the best idea she ever had. Thanks Holly.

Tila Tequila’s Girlfriend Is A Lesbian Fantasy Killer

Here’s Tila Tequila getting down and dirty with her butterface girlfriend while looking like a slutty Pocahontas. You know it’s a shame that Tila has such low standards, because it ruins any future lesbian fantasies I may have with her. Anyway, I... don’t get what she sees in that chick other than her huge bank account (her father is former Chairman of the Board & CEO of Yahoo), but there’s no amount of money you could give me to go down on that chick. OK, I’d do it for 100 bucks… who am I kidding?

Elizabeth Hurley Because She Is Hot

The GQ Men of the Year Awards were held in London yesterday, and once again I wasn’t nominated for anything. You’d think providing pictures of hot women on a daily basis for horny guys who can’t get laid would count for something. I guess not. ...Maybe next year. Until then, here are some photos of Elizabeth Hurley.

Christina Aguilera’s Breasts Are HUGE!

You know, having a baby is one of the best things Christina Aguilera could have possibly done. Not only did she bring a new life into this world, but her fake breasts grew in size and haven’t gone down since. It’s like a miracle. 3 of them! There is a god.

Michelle Hunziker’s Sweet Ass In A Bikini

I have no clue who Michelle Hunziker is, but if I was a betting man, I’d say she is a model. That or a high-priced escort. I’m hoping the latter, that way I can start saving up so I can get a little piece of that ass.

Nude Celebs in HD - Starship Troopers 3

HD caps from Starship Troopers 3: Marauder from a 1080p source. Cécile Breccia, Tanya van Graan and Nicole Tupper appear in a nude scene together as they prepare for a physical exam.

Paris Hilton: 'The Paparazzi Are Annoying'

Paris Hilton is fed up with being followed by paparazzi -- but has vowed to keep her cool with them. The sexy socialite and hotel heiress -- who is one of the most photographed women in the world -- says she is constantly taunted by shutterbugs wh...o try and get her hot under the collar -- but she always resists the temptation to lash out. She explains, "It is annoying when they are always showing up at your house. I think it is fine at like a movie premiere or an event when they are supposed to be there. But when it is every single day it just gets really tiring. "There is nothing you can do about it. They want you to lash out at them so I never do. I have never done that and I never will." Paris, 27, recently revealed that she and her Good Charlotte rocker boyfriend Benji Madden act like children to keep their "love young".

Hahahaha! Look at Britney! She Looks . . . Awesome? What?

We just realized that today's stories involve a baby, Michael Jackson, Josh Hartnett, and Kevin Spacey chewing cheeks. Not exactly the stuff of titillation. So we've made the executive decision to sex things up by including new pics of Britney Spears... in a bikini. If you had come to us one year ago and said, "Hey, CelebNewsWire. In one year, you'll be posting pictures of Britney in a really tiny bikini and she won't be sporting McGriddle crumbs in her abdominal folds OR Adnan Ghalib jizz on her back," we would have told you to get the fuck out of town. And yet here we are. Things are so queer on this side of the looking glass.

Keeley Hazell In The New Nuts Magazine

Here are some pics of Keeley Hazell topless in the new Nuts Magazine. Nuts Magazine is pretty brilliant in the marketing of their magazine. They have this chick on more than any other chick and its probably the most popular magazine in the U.K. and i...f you have to asky why…..rollerblade your ass to another site.

Josh Hartnett Sex Tape

Thanks to a couple of well-placed surveillance cameras, actor Josh Hartnett is the unwitting star of a SoHo hotel sex tape. MSNBC says Josh and his female companion entered what they believed was a secluded area of the hotel, a little-used lib...rary, and drew the curtains before getting cozy. “Josh and the girl were getting pretty hot and heavy,” said the source who watched to actor’s actions on the hotel’s monitor. “Unfortunately the hotel has security cameras all over the place — the library included.” Several members of the hotel staff huddled around the monitor, but the source said, “No one quite knew where to look and there was a very awkward silence.” No one knew where to look? Was the hotel doubling as the headquarters for the Jehovah’s Witnesses or something? The only time your eyes would even need to leave the screen is if you zipper gets caught in your underpants or to find the pause/rewind button for the good parts. Everybody knows “masturbation” and “work” go together like “peas” and “restraining orders!”

Gisele Bundchen Arena Magazine Pictures

There’s something about pictures of a supermodel in a gold bikini that really gets me going, it may be the camera angle or the artistry of the shots that I like. Oh, who are we kidding, it’s Gisele Bundchen’s tight body staring me in the face t...hat does it. Her face does absolutely nothing for me but I could eat breakfast off that sweet ass everyday. Not just toast either, bacon and eggs.

Thandie Newton is a Rad Rocker

Thandie Newton (Crash/Mission: Impossible II) arrives at the world premiere of Guy Ritchie’s RocknRolla at the Odeon Cinema, in Leicester Square, England on Monday. The 35-year-old British actress was white hot in her leg-baring dress. That doub...le-slitted skirt sure is high! In the film, Thandie plays Stella, an accountant who is the love interesting of mobster One Two (Gerard Butler). RocknRolla opens in North America on Oct. 31. WHAT DO YOU THINK of Thandie’s leg-baring dress — SHEER GENIUS or EASILY FORGETTABLE? 30+ pictures of Thandie Newton, the rad rocker…

Is That A Younger Celine Dion In A Bikini?

The paparazzi have staged yet another so-called bikini candid with a girl who looks like a younger Celine Dion, only with a hotter body. Her name is Caroline D’Amore and with a French name like that maybe she’s Celine’s long lost daughter or ni...ece or whatever. Anyway, I didn’t know there was a big demand for Celine Dion look-alikes in swimwear. What’s next? Barbara Streisand? 21 more pictures of Caroline D’Amore in a bikini on the link.

Keeley Hazell Cleavage Sells Lynx Body Spray

I’m sold, I don’t care what it smells like, you put some Keeley Hazell cleavage on the ad and I am buying that sh*t!

Rihanna In FHM France

What better way to kick-start the week than with this Rihanna photoshoot? I’m starting to really dig Rihanna. But besides being hot, she seems to be a cool cat with a level head (at least compared to the other singers/celebs). But who am I kidding?... Even if she had an inflated ego I’d still gawk at her.

Naked Ali Larter in Varsity Blues

Willa Ford’s Sexy Maximal Magazine Pictures

Here is Willa Ford in Maximal Magazine. Ever since her stint on Dancing With The Stars, she’s disappeared. But don’t worry, she is set to play Anna Nicole Smith in some movie and judging by these pictures, I think she’ll do a good job. They’l...l have to increase the CCs in her funbags though for a more accurate representation of Anna, maybe they’ll use special effects. Let’s hope not.

Mel B Considers Going Nude For Playboy

Melanie Brown would consider appearing nude in Playboy magazine. The Former Spice Girl revealed she has turned down two offers to appear in the adult publication, but hasn't ruled out the idea completely. She said: "I was offered Playboy last year... and again a couple of months ago, and I did turn them down, but that's not to say I wouldn't consider it in the future. I have no problems walking around the house naked or anything." Mel became the body of underwear brand Ultimo in April this year, and has appeared in several raunchy adverts for the company.